Revised letter to mission president

1. How are you increasing in "wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man?"
I'm getting a little bit better at teaching my companion like I teach the investigators. It's about time since I'm almost done training her...
She's been feeling really inadequate and scared that she's going to be training next transfer. She's scared that she won't be able to continue the work here in Lewisville without me. I think she feels pressure to do everything I do and know everything I know which isn't fair at all since I have a lot more experience. There have been a couple companionship studies where she was so nervous she couldn't think straight and I took the time to teach her that God never gives us more than we can handle, and that even though God's will is often different than our will and tends to stretch us to the limit, God will always give us peace and comfort if we ask for it.
That and I have a slightly better idea of how to correct her. Even though she knows that we go to bed at 10:30, and I always go to bed at 10:30, she kept going to bed later. She was mostly obedient and honestly didn't see the difference between being mostly obedient and exactly obedient. She told me she got a bad impression of "exact obedience" from one of her companions in the MTC. They didn't get along and she was obedient to the T and enforced her interpretation of obedience on everyone else. She also got the impression that the missionaries that are "fun to be around" are not exactly obedient. I really hope she understood when I told her that I don't want her to be exactly obedient because I'm micro-managing or trying to be her mom. I want her to be exactly obedient because obedience is the first law of heaven, and a prerequisite to miracles. I want her to be exactly obedient like the stripling warriors because like them, we need all the help we can get. She wasn't too happy and thought I was worrying about stuff that didn't matter, but at least she knows what I think. She was honestly surprised when I told her that it makes me nervous when she doesn't get to bed on time. It makes me think "what did I do?" or "what did I neglect to do for her?". She didn't understand that in a way, I feel responsible for her and how she turns out. I guess this is a little taste of what parenting is like.  

2. A spiritual experience you had this week?
We had a miracle (yet again) with Juan (name change). After interviews, we went with President Pratt (one of the mission president's counselors that speaks spanish) to go teach him. We taught about the Atonement and the spirit was really strong. It was one of those lessons where we felt like spectators to the Lord's work and we were all following the same direction from the Spirit. All 4 of us said just what he needed to hear or understand. President Pratt related baptism to the atonement, the other member (recent convert) we brought with us talked about her experience having a baptism date, and my companion testified that it would be hard, but so worth it. As all 3 of them talked, I had a strong prompting to set a baptism date, over and over. I did it. Usually I'm pretty awkward about setting baptism dates, but this time the Spirit told me what to say and it came out of my mouth easily. And the miraculous part? Juan said yes! We had invited him to be baptized several times before, but this time he offered no resistance and he knew that was what he was supposed to do. He knows what he needs to do and how he's going to get there. Wow!

Chalk doodle

So... lately we've been trying to start an English class and people have shown interest in coming but no one has showed up. So while we were waiting, we called people and doodled on the chalkboard. For you non-spanish speakers, it says "Why didn't anyone come?"

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Testimony and the obtaining thereof

Preface: I've been thinking about this for a while and couldn't really put my finger on how I got it. So I thought I'd write it down to get my thoughts organized. Enjoy!

How did I gain my testimony?

I was born in the church to goodly parents, and have gone to church since I was a baby. The vast majority of my family/extended family are active members too. I am familiar with the doctrine, traditions, procedures, etc. but all that wasn't and isn't enough to have my own testimony. I can't think of any one moment when I knew for myself that it was true. It grew over time.

At first, I found my testimony in the fact that it the church/gospel is good, and has blessed my life. Then I realized that it intellectually makes sense. Then I based my testimony on the fact that it has also blessed the life of many others. As I read the scriptures, every once in a while, I found a scripture that resonated with me and was just so…true! Either that or every once in a while I would be in church and the talks or the classes resonated with me and felt right.

When I was a teenager, I lived in Virginia, where the vast majority of the kids in middle and high school weren't religious or appreciative of sacred things. I was one of about 6 members, and we weren't exactly a tight knit group. It was in that time that my testimony was strengthened because it was questioned and ridiculed all the time. Every time I defended my beliefs, I realized more and more that I actually do believe this and it would be a HUGE mistake to throw it away. I wasn't very good about personal prayer or scripture study, but I did cling to church and youth activities even though I didn't really have friends there. It was definitely divine providence that I was called to be Beehive, Mia Maid, and Laurel president so I felt obligated to come to church and activities even when I didn't feel like it or have a good support system with the youth.

Also, in the online communities I participated in, it was common for people to ask "If you're so smart, why in the world are you Mormon?". I felt obligated to prove to them that the church was true and show how it makes sense. But that didn't work, and I started to realize that you have to know by the Spirit, not my logic alone, that it is true. I eventually learned that I am not obligated to prove anything, because all the physical/intellectual evidence in the world isn't enough. What a relief!

The next thing that cemented my testimony/was the start of my conversion was studying the scriptures and praying on my own on a regular basis. Sure, I studied the scriptures in seminary and was pretty familiar with them, but it hadn't turned into a habit. I kept finding scriptures that helped me in my life and came to know that I actually could talk to God about what was going on in my life. That culminated into a few amazing experiences to help me not only believe, but know.

The other thing that helped immensely was going to college. It was the best decision I had made up to that point to go to BYU-I, a spiritual sanctuary where "all things are spiritual" no matter what the subject is. It's ok to pray in class and talk about the gospel. It also required a lot of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual independence. I had to set my own spiritual routine, eg. How often to go to the temple, when to study the scriptures, how often to pray, how to keep the Sabbath day holy. It was also in that time that I learned the meaning of the word, "grace". In all the times that I was faced with a project and not enough time or strength to do it, I learned to rely on the Lord and experience His grace or empowerment. I had a testimony of everything but the most basic part, Jesus Christ as my Savior and Redeemer, and the one who can strengthen me in all things because He has already experienced it all. He is the one who carries me when I am weak, and heals me when I am feeling broken and dysfunctional.

All of these experiences strengthened  my faith to the point that I could go forward with faith and act even though I wasn't entirely sure where I was going. It was that trust that the Lord wouldn't let me go astray if I was keeping the commandments and doing my best that led me to send in my mission papers. I hadn't seen a light from heaven telling me to go, but after I got started, I knew more and more that this is the best decision I ever made.

The mission is/has been really hard, for more reasons than I expected getting into this. But it has strengthened me even more. Now I cling to my covenants and God's promises for dear life. I see miracles on an almost daily basis. The gift of tongues is real. I have seen the power of the gospel to change people (myself included). I can see a glimpse of what God has prepared for those who wait on him (Isaiah 64:4).

I've pretty much always had a testimony but as of the last few years, I can feel that knowledge changing me. I can honestly say that my first convert is myself. I'm a lot happier and optimistic than before and feel ready to face whatever the Lord sets before me to strengthen my faith even more. The future is so bright you need sunglasses.

I know that this is Christ's church, and that through Him, we can be clean and free to progress. I know that God restored this church through Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon is the beautiful evidence. I know that we are children of God with incomprehensible potential, and that if we trust in Him, He will lead us there.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.